I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
try to milk me bitch
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize