My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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