uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
