ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
