She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
