When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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