i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
