Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
