You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
