I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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