i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Dick very happy bro
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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