I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I just got carded by a ten year old.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
