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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
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I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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