Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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