So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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