Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
