New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
