True but thats because hes a fetus.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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