My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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