It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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