Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
