We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
