So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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