i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
