glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
