don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
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Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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