UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
