youre lurking in front of me
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
