I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
