It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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