I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
