ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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