So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
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