wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
