She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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