stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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