it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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