come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
