weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
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He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
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College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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