Umm I'm too high to move.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
