his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
It was confusing and full of hummus
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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