well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
