I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
