I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
