This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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