Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
