Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
