i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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