I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
