After last night, I could never be a politician.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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