I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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