We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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