dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
