my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
