just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
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You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
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Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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