ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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