Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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