I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
