my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I could have mohawked her pubes.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
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That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
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Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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