Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
