You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
