I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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