genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
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