cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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