I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
