On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I want a musical about memes.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
