i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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