tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
