My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
