if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
