Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
