Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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