I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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