i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
