We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
