I want to have your abortion
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
