I can't breathe out the right side of my face
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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