I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
